If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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