I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
