Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
