I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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