you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
