I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
