Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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