with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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