I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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