Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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