Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
