do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
