tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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