that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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