its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
