i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
