We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
