my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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