The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
