I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
