Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
