I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
