Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
