Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
