The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
