i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
