what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
