My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
soo... how was my night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
