He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
