Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
