new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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