Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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