As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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