pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
