So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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