I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
