My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
