how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
