I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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