Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
MIDGETS
????
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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