I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
