That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
