I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
