genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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