Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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