My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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