my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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