Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
