Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
