and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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