i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
