Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
