i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
