In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
