I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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