i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
