Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
