Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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