shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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