Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
