But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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