found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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