Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
