oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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