my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
