I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
